I was too tired to put together another outfit post for you guys last night, and decided to share a little prettiness and words of encouragement instead. I've realized that I have been a whole lot of tired lately. It might be because my mind is always restless, always thinking and dreaming. Twirling and swirling thoughts are dancing in my head is an endless occurrence. Sometimes I have to tell it over and over again to stop because I can easily loose track of what is real now. Work. Always striving to make people happy and proud. Trying to look good (when working in fashion, this is just part of the job). Traveling constantly between two cities (Philly and NYC). Juggling gym time, casual leisure time, blog time and social/party/don't give a shit time. Doing all this without a car and relying on rides and/or the horrific Philly public transportation system is hard and sometimes frustrating. Figuring out and stressing out over what to text that boy because I'm not that interested, I'm too interested or I really don't know and maybe I really don't care. Who knows?? At the end of most days, I just want to collapse in the warmth of my pillows in the hopes that I will have no reason in the morning to leave my bed. Or all I want to do is stay in my bedroom all day and watch reruns of my favorite TV shows online and drink coffee underneath the covers. All day long. Blog? What blog? The dishes need to be cleaned? Um forget about it Charlie.
I've always been one known to juggle too many things. Want to do too many things. Want to see too many places. Life is too short. You only live once. Blah blah blah. You know that feeling of wanting more and never stopping? That's me. Only the one's who know me best understand this part of me that always feels fleeting and unsettled and adventure seeking. I live in the present but I always dream in the future and find comfort in the past. Every day is a continuation of the prior day's thoughts of unraveling the process of mixing all of the present, past and future together to create a perfect feeling of nowness. And to be honest, I don't think I ever will come to a conclusion on how to have it all. But I sure can try my best. Even if it means looking at pretty things and finding solace in all that is visually warm, stimulating and colorful. Even if it means taking the time to read a quote or even just a word to kick start my day on a positive note and to spread a smile further and further across my face. Yes life is crazy. Yup, it's totally full of uncertainty and the feeling of being pulled in way too many directions. You may not be able to point yourself and shoot in every way all at once, but at some point you'll head in that direction you've always dreamed about. It might be a different time or a different place than what you initially imagined, but that's okay. Nothing is ever meant to be perfect. If we set ourselves up to see life in this way, maybe we won't always feel so tired or so easily defeated. I'm learning this each and every single day. And you know what, it's okay to be tired. Just don't beat yourself up over it the following day. Use your tiredness to reexamine where it stems from. Where adjustments can be made. What is it in your life that doesn't make you tired at all? How can you add more of that to your life?
Don't give yourself a time limit. Don't give yourself too much of a thought out plan. Sometimes things just need to fall into place naturally. Sometimes it's better to be surprised. What do you have to lose? Over thinking things too much makes us tired. Sometimes we just have to let go and do it all as it comes. Our body and brains will thank us in the end.
*The double exposed floral paintings are done by Pakalya Biehn. The quotes have all been found on tumblr.