Friday, May 1, 2015

An Ode To Childhood


How much of your childhood do you remember? How vivid are your memories? Do you get flashbacks sporadically or often? How much of your childhood influences you today? And what parts exactly? I do sometimes find myself thinking about my life now and how I envisioned my life to be back when I was say . . . 8 years old. My 8 year old self would probably be super disappointed, because I thought I was going to be prom queen at 18, married by 26 and with child by 30. And the truth is, I never went to prom (instead I went skateboarding and got stoned with my friends in a hidden nook in the valley) and I'm 27 and I am definitely not even a speckle close to saying "I DO" to anyone, let alone give birth. But you know what, my 27 year old self is totally okay with these facts. When I was 8 years old, the idea of me being 27 felt light years away. I had all the time in the WORLD to accomplish my dreams. Everything felt possible, yet my future was still one big haze in my head. I couldn't imagine what it would actually be like to be an adult. And then all of a sudden, you wake up, and BAM . . .  there you are . . . in your mid-twenties, single, working too many hours, going on far too many bad Tinder dates, bags under your eyes feeling far too heavy, the book on your bedside table left unread for way too long, and your roommate is still taking her sweet time in the bathroom even though you are 15 minutes late to work. Where did the time go? WHERE?!? I've had many a moment where I'd stop and just stare at myself in the mirror and be like, "What the fuck am I doing with my life. This is not right. Say it ain't so." But then a little flash of sunshine sprouts up somewhere and you get on the roller coaster of happiness for a little bit, and then up and down you go all over again. But that's just life. Not the life we expected out of ourselves when we were just kids, but life nonetheless. 



I still have so many vidid memories from my childhood that even my parents are alarmed at how well I can remember. Getting my first tutu for dance class, and pretending I had ballet shoes on everywhere I went. The grass stains on my knees as I rolled down the hill at the park and my mom yelling at me because I messed up my best pair of jeans from Limited Too. Being chased by the neighborhood dog with my sister all the way home. We even jumped the fence and I totally wrecked my knee. Building my own hut in the backyard from the leftover branches as my parents did some tree trimming. My first and last pet, a tiny tadpole. That pet didn't last too long at all. The very first beat I made on the electronic drum set my dad kept around the house. My very first kiss in kindergarten. My first crush. Everything small felt so big at the time. Every sense we had felt extra amplified. Every feeling felt tenfold. We were so excitable. Everything mattered and had reason to be inspected. Today, as an adult living in a big city, things fly past us so fast. An hour feels like a second. Things go over our head and we don't even realize. 



When did we start overlooking the small things? When did that switch happen exactly? And I realized that the things that we do pay attention to the most seem to lean more towards the negative. A subway ride so packed that you can hardly breathe at all. The horrible date you went on last night and can't stop taking about to your friends with. The 5 bills you forgot to pay this month. Repeating "shit, shit shit" over and over again our heads because everything in our life just feels like complete, well, shit. When it comes down to analyzing these nit-picky situations, these things that are really so short-lived and changeable, yet so gnawing on our brains that we think they become life or death situations when really they are far, far from such a thing. As adults, have we really lost all aspects of our childhood vulnerability and imagination that getting the life sucked out ourselves has become a daily ritual we fall to so easily? 



Thank goodness for memory. Without memory we might all be a lost cause when it comes to getting our acts together and actually taking the time to enjoy the good things in life, no matter how small or how over-the-top spectacular they are. Whether they last one minute or one hour or one year or an entire lifetime. The good should never be over-looked or under appreciated. The kid version of yourself would never let that happen. He or she would hold onto that good and never let go. That's the thing with us adults nowadays, we get let down to easily and let go to quickly. Our patience can't stand alone very long and our grasps are too loose on everything because we never really are sure what we want. To speak the truth, there really is a lot of shit out in the world we have to deal with, and our experiences have unfortunately weakened our trust. But that's all okay. That's life. Just remember that things can always be put into perspective through memory and reliving. Think back to your happiest moments as a kid. What were the things that made you completely happy back then. How do those things fit into your life right here and right now? Are they even a part of your life anymore? Do you wish they still were or have you forgotten about them? Do they still make you smile? Figure out why they're overlooked and do something to reverse this. Have no shame in indulging in the things that made you the happiest as a kid. They can make all the difference in the big picture of your life today. 

The imagination and nostalgia can be our biggest tools. Use them. 


16 comments:

Anonymous said...

The way you write is magical. Thank you so much for this amazing article. Food for thought.

Zoya said...

you have to explain to me how you beautiful mom didn't change in like 20 years :)

Liz Lauren said...

you guys are the cutest!!

http://hashtagliz.com

Nikki Williams said...

you two are so cute! love this post. it's always fun to think about the good ol days!

xx nikki
www.dream-in-neon.com

Linn Wiberg said...

childhood is magical! also adore your writing!

Vale ♥ said...

Very cute, emotional post. Lovely. I also miss my childhood days...Kisses

Fashion and Cookies - fashion blog

Belle de Couture said...

Such an amazing post. Well written and full of emotion. Really made me think back about my special childhood memories, and also to appreciate what I have now and not to sweat the small stuff.

xx
Jen
http://belledecouture.com

Jeline Catt said...

This is such a cute post. II felt so nostalgic just reading and the pictures are adorable. x

sartorialust.net

Rachel Ang said...

I looooove the way you write. really lovely post! x

thehappybits.blogspot.com

aurora morales said...

You are such a great writer wish you write a book and I will be the first in line to buy whether is fictional etc. You are on smart cookie.

►Nadush said...

cuute photos ! :)
please follow me :) COLORFUL THOUGHTS

Laura Mitbrodt said...

Awe you were so cute
xo
www.laurajaneatelier.com

THEDASHINGRIDER said...

Lovely and magical pictures! Thank you so much for sharing them with us :)
x Fiona THEDASHINGRIDER.com

Minnja said...

OMG so cute. Thanks for sharing <3

Love Minnja - minnja.de

puherock said...

sales con una buena sonrisa. y si pues asì resulta ser la vida y el tiempo con nosotras. algo que de adulta he descubierto (con ayudita) es que cuànto màs mayor eres, eres màs exigente con las persona que deseas como pareja.
greetings from Lima ;)

Michelle Lee said...

so cute!


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